Mary Zech ‘17 shares some January horoscopes.
Aries. March 21 – April 19
With tangerines gone in the commons you may feel lost and scared. Try to channel this anger into productivity.
Taurus. April 20 – May 20
Suffering is inevitable. Just try to ride out the storm you poor, poor thing.
Gemini. May 21 – June 20
Usually you need to chill, but this month you should get rowdy! Start your year off strong by drinking many red bulls.
Cancer. June 21 – July 22
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Leo. July 23 – August 22
Reevaluate your whole life then change it.
Virgo. August 23 – September 22
Sometimes you gotta rebel against the establishment, and this is one of these times! Get rowdy.
Libra. September 23 – October 22
Reach out to new people and you might make an important friend! On the other hand, you could also meet your worst enemy!
Sagittarius. November 22 – December 21
Buy tangerines and put them in the cafeteria to bring joy to own otherwise barren life.
Scorpio. October 23 – November 21
Even though New Canaan is in a drought, it is absolutely necessary that you take a 30 minute bath every night of the month.
Capricorn. December 22 – January 19
Make use of the imaginary fresh start that the new year brings! Try to adopt new habits and embrace change.
Aquarius. January 20 – February 18
Hide your house key! A friend of yours might steal your coat while you are on vacation and keep it hostage in her car. Try to avoid mistakes like this in the new year.
Pisces February 19 – March 20
Bundle up this winter and make sure to wear extra layers of socks! You are at a very high risk of losing your toes to the cold!